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Ideas Elaboration

Page history last edited by Ms. Edwards 11 years, 8 months ago


Elaboration: adding more detail to what has already been said. 

So! You've written an amazing idea.  Is it finished?  Probably not.  What do you do?  Try these strategies.



1. Ask questions.


1a.  While Writing

While writing, ask yourself questions about what you have written to be sure you include the details the reader needs to create a mind movie to understand what you want them to know.


Here's an example:






What makes a good pet.


A doberman makes a good pet.

Why does a doberman make a good pet?

A frank topic sentence without because.  The second sentence explains the first idea about the topic sentence.

A doberman makes a good pet because it guards you, your house, and your family.

What is a doberman?

Example of "Rule of Three."  He provide three examples: you, your house, your family.

A doberman is a dog that has black hair with brown spots over it's eyes.  It has pointy ears.

What does a doberman do to guard your house and family?

Adds a description and continues the topic of guarding.
A doberman can bark and scare people. They will bite people hard on the butt, and those people won't come back again.    
My doberman is a good guard pet.   Concluding Sentence



2010 Practice Links


W5 Nice Friends shee

w5 nice friends ania

W5 Nice Friends rista

W5 nice friends Quill

W5 Nice Friends kimy

W5 nice friends loudy

W5 nice friends rocke71

w5 nice friends jane

w5 nice friends tiger

w5 ryal nice

w5 sager nice

w5 vinick nice

w5 nice freinds rater










Here are two other examples from fifth grade:











1b.  After Writing

After writing, re-read your work as if you don't know anything about it.  Pretend you are a reader.  Ask questions about what is missing or confusing.  Ask questions about the words used -- are they precise enough.



2. Precise Words


While you write and ask yourself questions and again any time you re-read your writing, search for words that could be more specific, engaging, and descriptive.  The most powerful words include nouns and verbs.


Here's an example:




The batter aimed at the pitcher.

batter, pitcher



Then BAM! the batter hit the ball.

batter, ball


bam -- onomatopoeia

alliteration -- b

The catcher caught the ball. That was an out. catcher, out caught alliteration -- c
The next batter put on his helmet. helmet    
The ball flew like a bullet across the field. bullet, field flew

simile -- like a bullet across the field

alliteration -- f

It was a home run. home run    
The team screamed in excitement. team screamed  



Here's another paragraph from 6W:

Slam Miss

I aim with my hand to slam-dunk the ball. I jump five feet in the air and dunked from half court. I sprinted down the  middle and tripped, jumped up, and sprinted to the hoop to dunk it. When I first dunked, I missed.




Another strong verb paragraph from 5W:



High Hitter

Barry prepares for his turn at bat for the Red Sox. He trudges out of the dugout and waves at the crowd. The crowd cheers. “Yay!” The opposing team boos. “Booo!” He swings his bat in the air as if hitting the ball. He practices three times imagining he hits three home runs. Three players stand on the field at each base. He steps up to the plate and knocks the dust off his shoes with the bat. The pitcher throws a fast ball. Crack! Barry busts the ball and the bat breaks. All players sprinted home with long strides. Barry slides as the umpire yells, “Safe!”  The game is won.



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