Strong Paragraphs
Review: Paragraph practice --- 8 sentence paragraphs:
Topic Sentence (What, Where, When)
Idea sentence; detail sentence to support the idea; use strong verbs
Idea sentence; detail sentence to support the idea; use strong verbs
Idea sentence; detail sentence to support the idea; use strong verbs
Concluding Sentence
Sample Considerations
Consider these paragraphs. Do they meet the criteria for good paragraphs?
TS-topic sentence--introduces topic--(What, Where, When)
T- transitions between ideas
I - Idea sentence - explains topic (at least 3)
D - Detail sentence- explains idea (at least one for each idea sentence)
VV - strong, vivid verbs (in idea and detail sentences)
CS-Concluding Sentence-summarizes topic
Sample 1
Sentence |
Code |
On topic? |
VV? |
Comment |
Meets Criteria? |
Hi. My name is Ted Springs, and I love football so much because it teachers you character, strngth, loyalty, confidence, and it's just a very, very exciting and fun sport. |
|
no |
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Run; extra sentence - perhaps introduction to a complete essay |
|
I'm the running back. |
|
yes |
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The running back runs the ball. |
TS? |
yes |
runs |
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I enjoy my position because running the ball is exciting. |
I |
yes |
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Like this one time I was running the ball on a T formation at our 40 yard line. |
D |
yes |
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Don't start a sentence with "like." |
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Sam called it. |
I |
yes |
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I dashed to the outside of him for a toss, but oh no one of my players had fallen, so I jumped over him avoiding falling down, but I didn't I kept my balance and ran ______ for a touchdown. |
D |
yes |
dashed, jumped |
run on; talk written down |
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This is why I absolutely love this sport and my position because you can do so much. |
CS |
yes |
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transistions? |
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Extra is Ok; needs to break up runon sentences; needs more strong verbs and transitions |
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Sample 2
Sentence |
Code |
On topic? |
Vivid Verb |
Comments |
Meets Criteria? |
Cleaning is boring. |
TS |
yes |
|
|
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It's boring because you have to do a lot of stuff. |
I |
yes |
|
Good--no because in topic sentence. |
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It can tire you out bo all those things you have to do. |
D |
yes |
tire |
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Cleaning gets me sick to my stomach when I clean. |
I |
yes |
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confusing-- cleaning, when I clean |
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Cleaning is hard. |
I |
yes |
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You have to clean the dishes, sweep the flor, mop, vacuum, do laundry, clean the whole house including your room. |
D |
yes -- guess it's hard because ther e is so much; perhaps this should go with the first idea. |
|
confusing sentence structure |
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When you do cleaning, you get really tired because of a big mess. |
D |
yes -- should go with the second sentence. |
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Out of order -- only one strong verb; no transitions |
Sample 3
Sentence |
Code |
On topic? |
Vivid verb |
Comment |
Met Criteria |
Jordan lost his trust from me. |
TS |
yes |
lost |
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|
Jordan opened his big mouth to Sam. |
I |
yes |
opened |
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Just because I was sleepy, Jordan told Sam that I stayed up all night playing games. |
D |
yes |
told, stayed |
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Jordan tells me things personally, and I do not tell those things to others. |
I |
yes |
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Jordan is the one who stayed up all night playing games. |
D |
yes |
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I cannot trust him anymore. |
D |
yes |
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I see who my true homies are. |
I |
yes |
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Man, I think that is not cool. |
I |
yes |
|
too informal - writing is not talk written down (no "Man:) |
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I cannot trust him anymore. |
CS |
yes |
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Sample 4
Sentence |
Code |
On topic? |
Vivid Verbs |
Comment |
Meets Criteria? |
Cleaning the lunch room is boring. |
TS |
yes |
|
|
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It is boring because of all my friends get to have fun for recess while I clean. |
I |
yes |
|
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Sometimes I even miss lunch recess practice. |
I |
yes |
miss |
|
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I have to sweep, wash tables, empty garbage cans, and then mop. |
I |
yes |
sweep, wash, empty, mop |
good sentence structure |
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All of these are between putting up tables. |
D |
yes |
|
out of order |
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I still have nine more days to clean. |
I |
yes |
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We do this because if we didn't the cooks would. |
I |
yes |
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You do this when you do something bad in the lunch room. |
D |
yes |
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Need CS and reordering; needs more detail sentences. |
Sample 5
Sentence |
Code |
On topic? |
Vivid Verb |
Comment |
Meets Criteria? |
Staying healthy is a good way to live. |
intro |
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One of the good ways to stay in shape is to jog every day. |
TS |
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Jogging is a good way to live, and when you do that you can be in sports that require being in shape like cross country. |
I |
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require |
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Jogging is an excellent way to live, and if you do jog further and further every day, you will be strong. |
D |
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repeat of "live" ??? |
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A lot of people jog every day. |
I |
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relavant? no detail to relate it to the topic |
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You could also be in big reaces if you jog every day. |
D |
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out of order |
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If you jog everyday you won't die of diabetes. |
I |
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needs detail |
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Needs order, more details, transitions, CS |
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Sample 6
Sentence |
Code |
On topic? |
Vivid Verb |
Comment |
Meets criteria? |
I want to tell you how to get in shape. |
TS |
too broad |
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You can get in shape by jogging every morning and afternoon. |
I |
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Also you can get in shape by eating your vegetables like green beans, salad, carrots, celery, broccoli, and maybe even spinach. |
I |
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too many ideas -- no main topic -- all main topics and no details; all of these should be a paragraph in an essay on how to get in shape. |
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How I get in shape is that I lift weights, eat my vegetables, I less eat junk food, and I run when needed. |
I |
|
eat |
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But if you wanna lose weight fast may you should drink less soda and more water. |
I |
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drink |
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Drinking water and eating very health is the best thing to do to get you in shape. |
I |
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If you eat healthy your heart will be healthy, if you drink healthy your body's healthy. |
I |
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But getting in shape is really hard, but at least you can do is try. |
CS |
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Too many ideas -- no main topic -- all main topics and no details; all of these should be a paragraph in an essay on how to get in shape. Needs transitions. |
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