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Strong Paragraphs

Page history last edited by Ms. Edwards 14 years, 11 months ago

Strong Paragraphs

 

Review: Paragraph practice --- 8 sentence paragraphs:

Topic Sentence (What, Where, When)

Idea sentence; detail sentence to support the idea; use strong verbs

Idea sentence; detail sentence to support the idea; use strong verbs

Idea sentence; detail sentence to support the idea; use strong verbs

Concluding Sentence

 

 

Sample Considerations

Consider these paragraphs.  Do they meet the criteria for good paragraphs?

TS-topic sentence--introduces topic--(What, Where, When)

T- transitions between ideas

I - Idea sentence - explains topic (at least 3)

D - Detail sentence- explains idea (at least one for each idea sentence)

VV - strong, vivid verbs (in idea and detail sentences)

CS-Concluding Sentence-summarizes topic

 


Sample 1

 

Sentence Code On topic? VV? Comment Meets Criteria?
Hi. My name is Ted Springs, and I love football so much because it teachers you character, strngth, loyalty, confidence, and it's just a very, very exciting and fun sport.   no   Run; extra sentence - perhaps introduction to a complete essay  
I'm the running back.   yes      
The running back runs the ball. TS? yes runs    
I enjoy my position because running the ball is exciting. I yes      
Like this one time I was running the ball on a T formation at our 40 yard line. D yes   Don't start a sentence with "like."  
Sam called it. I yes      
I dashed to the outside of him for a toss, but oh no one of my players had fallen, so I jumped over him avoiding falling down, but I didn't I kept my balance and ran ______ for a touchdown. D yes dashed, jumped run on; talk written down  
This is why I absolutely love this sport and my position because you can do so much. CS yes      
        transistions?  

 

        Extra is Ok; needs to break up runon sentences; needs more strong verbs and transitions
           

Sample 2

 

Sentence Code On topic? Vivid Verb Comments Meets Criteria?
Cleaning is boring. TS yes      
It's boring because you have to do a lot of stuff. I yes   Good--no because in topic sentence.  
It can tire you out bo all those things you have to do. D yes tire    
Cleaning gets me sick to my stomach when I clean. I yes   confusing-- cleaning, when I clean  
Cleaning is hard. I yes      
You have to clean the dishes, sweep the flor, mop, vacuum, do laundry, clean the whole house including your room. D yes -- guess it's hard because ther e is so much; perhaps this should go with the first idea.   confusing sentence structure  
When you do cleaning, you get really tired because of a big mess. D yes -- should go with the second sentence.     Out of order -- only one strong verb; no transitions

Sample 3

 

Sentence Code On topic? Vivid verb Comment Met Criteria
Jordan lost his trust from me. TS yes lost    
Jordan opened his big mouth to Sam. I yes opened    
Just because I was sleepy, Jordan told Sam that I stayed up all night playing games. D yes told, stayed    
Jordan tells me things personally, and I do not tell those things to others. I yes      
Jordan is the one who stayed up all night playing games. D yes      
I cannot trust him anymore. D yes      
I see who my true homies are. I yes      
Man, I think that is not cool. I yes   too informal - writing is not talk written down  (no "Man:)  
I cannot trust him anymore. CS yes      

 


Sample 4

Sentence Code On topic? Vivid Verbs Comment  Meets Criteria?
Cleaning the lunch room is boring. TS yes      
It is boring because of all my friends get to have fun for recess while I clean. I yes      
Sometimes I even miss lunch recess practice.  I yes miss    
I have to sweep, wash tables, empty garbage cans, and then mop. I yes sweep, wash, empty, mop good sentence structure  
All of these are between putting up tables. D yes   out of order  
I still have nine more days to clean. I yes      
We do this because if we didn't the cooks would. I yes      
You do this when you do something bad in the lunch room. D yes      
          Need CS and reordering; needs more detail sentences.

 


Sample 5

Sentence Code On topic? Vivid Verb Comment Meets Criteria?
Staying healthy is a good way to live. intro        
One of the good ways to stay in shape is to jog every day. TS        
Jogging is a good way to live, and when you do that you can be in sports that require being in shape like cross country. I   require    
Jogging is an excellent way to live, and if you do jog further and further every day, you will be strong. D     repeat of "live" ???  
A lot of people jog every day. I     relavant?  no detail to relate it to the topic  
You could also be in big reaces if you jog every day. D     out of order  
If you jog everyday you won't die of diabetes. I     needs detail  
          Needs order, more details, transitions, CS
           

 

 

 


Sample 6

Sentence Code On topic? Vivid Verb Comment Meets criteria?
I want to tell you how to get in shape. TS too broad      
You can get in shape by jogging every morning and afternoon. I        
Also you can get in shape by eating your vegetables like green beans, salad, carrots, celery, broccoli, and maybe even spinach. I     too many ideas -- no main topic -- all main topics and no details; all of these should be a paragraph in an essay on how to get in shape.  
How I get in shape is that I lift weights, eat my vegetables, I less eat junk food, and I run when needed. I   eat    
But if you wanna lose weight fast may you should drink less soda and more water. I   drink    
Drinking water and eating very health is the best thing to do to get you in shape. I        
If you eat healthy your heart will be healthy, if you drink healthy your body's healthy. I        
But getting in shape is really hard, but at least you can do is try. CS        
          Too many ideas -- no main topic -- all main topics and no details; all of these should be a paragraph in an essay on how to get in shape. Needs transitions.

 

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