Example

Connected Organization Requirements

Organization: How well did you organize your writing, with each sentence in each paragraph linked to each other with connected words or transitions words so your sentences are not simply a list of ideas? 

1. 4 All my sentences are connected to each other; after I wrote one sentence, the next sentence connected to an idea in the previous sentence. It is not just a list of ideas; you must read them in the order I wrote them

2. 3 Most of my sentences are connected to each other; it is not just a list of ideas; you must read most of them in order

3. 2 A few of my sentences are connected, but you can reorder them so they are still just a list of ideas

4. 1 My sentences are just a list.  You can reorder them in any way.

An example of an unconnected paragraph:

At Owhi Lake bald eagles soar over searching and snatching. The lake splashes on beavers hovering. The lake sparkles as osprey scream. Owhi lake brings wildlife to life. Rainbow trout swish, swerve, curve,and tangle. Crawdads pinch in their creek in all the traps of ham and bologna, while snakes slither, and coyotes howl at night. Insects gather when elk herd. Deer graze and hop up the mountain as hunters follow behind. Turtles snap at the otters trespassing into its territory. The black bear's huckleberries taste like wild onions. Through sunflowers on cliffs, rocks tumble down into Owhi Lake. Buttercups blossom in fields of emptiness. Mosquitoes bite at arms, and swarm in hair as if it was a bright light at night. That's when owls hoot in Pondorosa pine, and bats scavenge. The sun rises over Owhi Lake as fire ants never sleep. The sun is never really gone; it's just somewhere else. When at Owhi Lake, you're in for a show of fun with kids diving in, and dogs on a chase on the lake side shore for God knows what.     

The Organization Problem:

Although the example paragraph contains many images for the reader (sights and sounds with many precise nouns and vivid verbs), it is just a list of ideas-- sentences that are unconnected. The sentences can be rearranged in any order.

Here is the same paragraph, but the sentences have been randomly rearranged -- into another unconnected list. It doesn't make sense for the reader:

The sun rises over Owhi Lake as fire ants never sleep. The sun is never really gone; it's just somewhere else. When at Owhi Lake, you're in for a show of fun with kids diving in, and dogs on a chase on the lake side shore for God knows what. Through sunflowers on cliffs, rocks tumble down into Owhi Lake. The lake sparkles as osprey scream. The lake splashes on beavers hovering. At Owhi Lake bald eagles soar over searching and snatching. Rainbow trout swish, swerve, curve,and tangle. Turtles snap at the otters trespassing into its territory. Buttercups blossom in fields of emptiness.  The black bear's huckleberries taste like wild onions. Insects gather when elk herd. Deer graze and hop up the mountain as hunters follow behind. Mosquitoes bite at arms, and swarm in hair as if it was a bright light at night. Crawdads pinch in their creek in all the traps of ham and bologna, while snakes slither, and coyotes howl at night. That's when owls hoot in Pondorosa pine, and bats scavenge. Owhi lake brings wildlife to life.  

Actually, this rearrangement makes more sense than the original example:

sun rising ---> kids ----> sunflowers on cliff and rocks tumble into the lake ----> the lake sparkles ---> the lake splashes ----> bald eagle searches -----> for trout ---> turtles in lake -----> buttercups ----> wild onions/black bears --->insects and elk ----> deer---> mosquitoes---> night ---> crawdads, snakes, coyotes at night ----> owls / bats --> wildlife

Still, it is just a list, and the ideas are NOT connected.

Revision for connected organization:

How can the writer add details to connect each sentence in a logical order so each sentence and idea flows to the next sentence and idea using connecting words and transition words?

Here is a start. See if you can see the difference:

The sun rises over Owhi Lake as fire ants never sleep. The sun is never really gone; it's just somewhere else, and still the fire ants scramble through sunflowers on cliffs from which rocks tumble down into Owhi Lake.  Splash! The lake water splashes on beavers hovering over its dam, adding another chomped twig into its home. Around the dam, the lake sparkles as osprey scream, wondering if the splash is a trout snapping at mosquitoes. As you arrive at Owhi Lake with this morning light and the animals waking, you're in for a show of fun with kids diving in, and dogs on a chase on the lake side shore for turtles that snap at the otters trespassing into its territory.  Above Owhi Lake, you see bald eagles and osprey soar on the wild wind, searching and snatching at the rainbow trout that swish, swerve, curve,and tangle to escape the clutch of raptor talons.

Notice how the sentences were changed to link each sentence together:

The sun rises over Owhi Lake as fire ants never sleep. The sun is never really gone; it's just somewhere else, and still the fire ants scramble through sunflowers on cliffs from which rocks tumble down into Owhi Lake.  Splash! The lake water splashes on beavers hovering over its dam, adding another chomped twig into its home. Around the dam, the lake sparkles as osprey scream, wondering if the splash is a trout snapping at mosquitoes. As you arrive at Owhi Lake with this morning light and the animals waking, you're in for a show of fun with kids diving in, and dogs on a chase on the lake side shore for turtles that snap at the otters trespassing into its territory.  Above Owhi Lake, you see bald eagles and osprey soar on the wild wind, searching and snatching at the rainbow trout that swish, swerve, curve,and tangle to escape the clutch of raptor talons.

The author needs to continue connecting his/her sentence together. 

Note: The author could have started another way.  Here's another example from the same paragraph:

Above Owhi Lake bald eagles soar over searching and snatching for rainbow trout that swish, swerve, curve, and tangle through the seaweed and the crawdads that pinch in all the traps of ham and bologna left from overnight campers. People visit Owhi Lake for a show of fun with kids diving in, and dogs on a chase on the lake side shore for turtles napping in the sun on a fallen log or snapping at the otters trespassing into its territory. The otter scurries away across the lake where the black bear ambles in to munch huckleberries that often taste like wild onions. Sitting in its patch of huckleberries, wild onions, and sunflowers, the bear swats at mosquitoes biting at arms, and swarming in its fur as if it was a bright light at night.

Notice that the elaboration of your ideas helps you connect ideas: you are creating a scene, an image for your reader -- include the details and connecting words needed so it makes sense to your reader!